Did you hear that?
No. Go back to sleep.
There! Do you hear it now?
If I say yes, will you stop talking?
Oh, my God! There it is again! I think you should go check it out.
Calm down, it’s nothing.
It’s not nothing! It’s most definitely something. Like…oh, no! Do you think it’s…it’s…devil worshipers?
Yeah, that’s exactly what I think it is. And since they’re probably looking for virgin blood, I also think you’re the safest person in the neighborhood right now. Go to sleep.
What if it’s robbers? Do you think it’s robbers? Are they going to steal my jewelry collection?
Only if they’re fans of Claire’s Boutique and QVC.
Stop kidding around! This is serious! You know, after the man who’s prowling around our house abducts me in order to sell me into the white slavery trade in Stockholm, where my body type goes for big bucks, by the way, when that guy puts me into the back of his Prius, but forgets to lock the doors so that when I later fight him off using my mad Billy Blanks Tae-Bo moves, the door flies open, propelling me right onto I-35 and right into the path of a speeding lumber truck and then you have to leave a business meeting to come identify me like I’m some kind of roadkill, only with a good haircut and blond highlights, when that happens, you won’t be laughing.
I wouldn’t be so sure about that.
OOO! There it is again! The noise! Hey, where are you going?
To the kitchen.
But…but…you need a weapon! Here, take this!
You want me to fight off The Manson Family with a Sharper Image white noise machine? What, am I going to “ocean waves” them to death?
Hold on…should I call 911?!
Sure. Tell them you’ve just made a citizen’s arrest of our ice maker.
The…ice maker? Oh, yeah…that makes perfect sense. Ha! Guess I was being kind of silly, huh?
That’s not the word I would use.
(yawn) Well, everything’s fine now. Sorry I woke you up. Good night.
Good night. Get some sleep. And try not to think about whatever’s scratching on the bathroom window.