“Drill Instructor” is a petite blonde named Tiffani, not badass Louis Gossett, Jr.
Despite repeated requests, nobody calls me “Maggot”.
“Drop and give me 20, shithead!” is instead “Um, could you guys, like, do some push-ups now?”
Never once forced to scrub a latrine with my toothbrush.
Other recruits more concerned with getting in shape than building strong Bikini Army.
“Full Metal Jacket” soundtrack voted out in favor of Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie” as training music.
Cadence is lame, “I don’t know, but I’ve been told. You got to fluff your sheets before you fold”.
Chanting “This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine” while holding yoga mat, not really as awesome.
Attempt to give other squad members hardcore nicknames like “Joker”, “Mississippi” and “Doggy Style” met with disapproval.
Nobody else interested in playing War Games against the One-Piece Swimsuit Boot Camp.
Only weapons issued are 5 pound free weights and elastic bands.