Channel 1: A Hitler Documentary

Channel 2: Photos of the Stockholm Radisson accompanied by Peabo Bryson and Roberta Flack’s timeless hit “Tonight I Celebrate My Love For You”

Channel 3: What appears to be either a European Disco competition or “Dancing With the Stars: Helsinki Style”

Channel 4: World Women’s Table Tennis Championship, China v. Germany (China’s winning) (Now Germany) (Now China)

Channel 5: “COPS” with Swedish subtitles translating a toothless, shirtless Texan man’s claims that he “Wunt doin’ nuthin’ to mah damn wahf, Occifer”

Channel 6: CNN Business reporting about stuff the guys downstairs in the lobby bar probably really care about

Channel 7: A documentary about mosquitos

Channel 8: Goats on picnic tables

Channel 9: Porn

Channel 10: Porn

Channel 11: Porn

Channel 12: More Porn

Channel 13: Spanish guys holding cheese

Channel 14: Men walking with briefcases while someone talks about them in rapid Swedish

Channel 15: The “Dirty Sanchez” show on MTV which seems to star a dirty guy (Sanchez) who likes burping and doing things with what appears to be his own feces on a Vespa

Channel 16: Asians talking reallyreallyreally fast about something that seems reallyreallyreally exciting!

Channel 17: “America’s Top Model” with Swedish subtitles attempting to translate Tyra Banks who is attempting to translate her thoughts into coherent English

Channel 18: Porn

Wendi Aarons