See? This is why you go to the potty first thing in the morning. So you don’t pee on mommy. Now mommy has to spray Lysol on her feet. Not good.
Believe me, I’m not happy school was cancelled today either, but do you see me running around like a psychotic ferret? No, you do not.
You’re shittin’ me. It’s only 10 a.m.?
What time is it now?
I’m gonna need some Motrin.
Which one of you crammed Play-Doh in my blowdryer?
Alright, you’re released for now. But I’ll find out who did it. It’s called DNA, my friends.
Did you just wipe your nose on the couch again?
Seriously, where’s the Motrin?
For the last time, don’t call your little brother “Suckaman”.
Don’t call me “Suckaman”, either.
Yes, I know this medicine is for kids, but sometimes mommies take it so the crazy jackhammer pounding in their head goes bye-bye and they can stop crying in the guest bathroom, OK?
Good God, now I’m burping up bubblegum-flavored ibuprofen.
What the…? I knew you two were being too quiet up here. Hurry–get the Dustbuster, my rubber gloves and do not touch anything in this room with your bare hands until I’m done. And for the love of God, keep the cats out of here.
Get in the car, boys. We’ve got an appointment at the drive-thru liquor barn and I don’t wanna be late.
Oh, praise Jesus, Daddy’s here! Well, see you later, guys. Mommy’s got a date with her friend Cabernet. And from what I can tell, it’s going to be a late night.